09.29.2007

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye, going away

Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say

Touching our hands, wondering why

It's time for saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?

Makes us remember the good times we've had

Much more to say, foolish to try

It's time for saying goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know

Sometimes its better to go

Somehow I know, we'll meet again

Not sure quite where and I don't know just when

You're in my heart, so until then

It's time for saying goodbye.

Somehow I know, we'll meet again

Not sure quite where and I don't know just when

You're in my heart so until then

Wanna smile

Wanna cry

Saying goodbye

~ from "Muppets Take Manhattan"

Piece of Cake!

I work in a pro-cake office. (Jealous?)
And I have to admit we are blatantly discriminatory against other forms of sugary baked goods. While we enjoy cake on a regular basis…we don't do donuts or muffins or bagels or cookies…noooooo! No, by god, we are a cake lovin' group!

Fortunately, someone celebrates a birthday every month of the year which guarantees cake at least every 30 days or so, in addition to the cakes for various celebratory occasions - and honestly, we can come up with pretty much ANY excuse to celebrate as long as it involves cake. Today was September birthday cake - chocolate layer cake with white frosting - yummy.

Cake just makes things a little bit better, ya know? Some may prefer a stiff martini, or an invigorating jog, or a relaxing bath or a big chunk of crack, but in my world nothing beats cake as a warm, fuzzy, numbing sedative. It's my drug of choice.

I have a feeling I'm going to require copious amounts of cake next week. Better stock up.

Swords and eggs and booby traps...oh my!

You may recall (vaguely perhaps) a previous blog entry regarding my less-than-successful weekend of babysitting. You'll remember that the boys and I just didn't seem to click and my theory was that I had just been out of the babysitting loop for too long. Well, tonight, I gave the babysitting gig another chance with another set of boys (12 and 7) and ya know what? my confidence in my kid relating skills has been renewed. yay!

There were pillow fights (or cushion fights rather, which can become much more vicious!) and sword fights (foam swords...don't worry, no limbs were lost) and egg experiments (only one egg was damaged and only a hairline crack at that!) and fortresses with secret passages and booby traps (constucted from massive amounts of wooden blocks). hee. It was fun. The boys and I clicked right away and had a great time. Of course, it was only three hours as opposed to three days, but still, it was an evening reminiscent of my glory days of babysitting!

Welcome to My World

If you had been driving through Maryland Farms today around 2 o'clock, you may have seen me out in the parking lot taking photos of brick samples. Yes, brick samples. Why, you ask, were you taking photos of brick samples...in the parking lot? Let me explain:

When picking out exterior material color schemes for projects, accurate representation is crucial. These color schemes have to be drawn from the real-life materials we'll be using and have to be recreated in Photoshop. So, it was easy enough to scan the various EIFS color samples. However, one cannot scan brick samples. Therefore, I had to take a digital photo of the brick samples to import into photoshop to do the color match. And, in order to get as true-to-life color as possible, I needed natural light - hence, me, my camera, and my brick samples, in the parking lot. Oh the glamorous life I lead.

A Question of Faith

Have faith.
Have faith?
Have faith in what exactly?

Faith is tricky, you see. Faith is trust that is not based on proof. Too much of this stuff and you set yourself up for pain and disappointment. Too little and you risk viewing the world with a bitter and cynical gaze. There's a delicate balance between protecting yourself and overprotecting yourself.

So, how do you find just the right amount of faith? Or, maybe it's not the AMOUNT that matters so much as the KIND of faith. There are different kinds of faith...I think…Optimism is not the same as faith. I have plenty of the former…not so much of the latter. My optimism is the general disposition that all will turn out well in the end.

Maybe, I have selective faith or broad faith. For instance, I have faith that life is not a string of coincidences. I have faith that good ultimately predominates over evil (although sometimes that particular faith is challenged mightily!).

Embracing faith in others is more difficult - for me anyway. Putting my faith in a person isn't easy or welcome in my world. A friend of mine recently lost her faith in a person she had been dating for a few months. She had faith in him that he would be honest and straightforward. She had faith that he would treat her with respect. In the end, if she hadn't had faith in him, would his decisions and actions have been less meaningful to her and thus less painful? Less damaging? Probably.

So, isn't it in the best interest of your emotional health to not expect much? - not to have too much faith? That way, if it turns out that you were wrong, well, hey! it's a nice little surprise…and if you were right, well then you didn't expect much anyway and the disappointment is merely lukewarm.

Yes, I know, I can see the downside to this argument too. By expecting little of the other person, you end up expecting little of yourself. You may give less. You may invest less. And those decisions may inadvertently affect the behavior of the other person ultimately encouraging them to live up to your low expectations. Expect little. Receive little. Except, that's not always the case, is it? That scenario is not something you can count on.

Does not having faith in other people imply that you don't have faith in yourself?I have faith that I am capable of protecting myself. I have faith that I am able to take care of my heart. But a person can only be damaged so much before the faith is slowly chipped away and in it's place we are forced to build walls.

We're gonna sco-o-ore tonight...

In case there is any doubt as to just how dorky I can be, let me tell you that the only reason I ever like to go bowling, is because of the musical bowling scene in the movie Grease 2.

Yeah, it's okay, go ahead and laugh it up. I realize it may be the worst movie ever made. And I further realize that my friends and the various patrons at the bowling alley are not going to start singing and dancing to choreographed steps (as if bowling isn't dorky enough on it's own!).

Still, my 12 year old self gleefully refers to this cinematic moment with anticipation that the forthcoming bowling outing will somehow resemble my mind's eye. It never does though. But, I still had a fun time last night slumming at the bowling alley with Jen, Chad, Fou, Ted, and Kimberly...and assorted high school kids. It was a really young crowd (heh. guess at least that fact coincides with my bowling fantasy!).

Anyway, despite the lack of singing and dancing (although Chad has this crazy little move that sorta makes it look like he's dancing...and totally cracks me up!), there was beer, and we had fun in the "cosmic" bowling atmosphere. I seriously don't understand why dim lighting and a few strands of rope lights qualifies as "cosmic"...but *shrug*

Remembrance

Yes, it is 9/11.

Yes, the anniversary of a horrific national tragedy. Six years later - which isn't such a long time - the consequences are still being felt. Many people died on this day, six years ago. But many people also died yesterday, six years ago. And many people also died tomorrow, six years ago. There are equally horrific personal tragedies that occur every single minute of every single day, and yet no one shares in the grief and the loss and the devastation. The burden of tragedy is most often bourn alone. The pain is not diminished; the reality is not less real, simply because it is experienced by one person instead of hundreds or thousands.

Don't judge me too harshly, gentle reader, I am compassionate. And I understand that tragedy on a grand scale is worthy of national (and international) sorrow and grief. I understand the significance of what this day set in motion - we all do. But, that significance does not mean it elevates this grief above all other grief. It does not make this loss more important than all other loss. It is no more devastating than a teenager hanging himself or a child taken or a woman killed in a car crash or refugees shot in the streets. Grief does not fall into a hierarchy.

And yet, we bestow upon this date a highly concentrated recognition with songs and prayers and memorials and moments of silence and promises of vengeance. Those who were personally affected by this particular tragedy are put on pedestals as paragons of human suffering and sacrifice. But their suffering is not greater or more justified than any other human's suffering. By singling out this date with such fervor, such hair-pulling, such beating of the chest, it implies that other tragedies are not as acute. Not as painful. Not as harrowing. And even more tragic than the many lives lost in the attack on 9/11 six years ago, is the (unintentional?) dismissal of the pain and devastation experienced everyday, in every form, by human beings all over the world on every personal level imaginable. So, instead of bowing my head today in remembrance of the victims of 9/11, I will bow my head in deference, in empathy, and in respect of the grief and the suffering that is felt not only on this date by select people, but that is felt every day by people everywhere.

Luciano Pavarotti: Rest In Peace

How sad that I never got to see the great legend perform in person.