How To Eat Oatmeal

according to Hector.

Step 1: Empty entire contents of bowl. Bowls are unnecessary and completely undermine one's enjoyment of oatmeal.

Note: Be sure to smear oatmeal liberally in hair. Oatmeal is a wonderful conditioner.

Step 2: Use spoon to artistically spread oatmeal on plate/tray. This will allow for a more accurate assessment of quantity, plus your mom will lavish praise on you for being creative.

Step 3: Use fingers to scoop oatmeal into mouth. This is actually more difficult than it sounds and it may end up on your forehead and/or chin. Then, as I understand it, you're supposed to chew on your spoon while managing a mouthful of oatmeal. Don't worry, it just takes a little practice.

Step 4: The oatmeal that didn't make it down to your tummy, just go ahead and spit that back out. If you're lucky it will fall back onto your plate/tray and you can simply re-insert into mouth. Otherwise, there's a good chance it will end up in your lap. This is fine. Your mom will eventually take the time to remove oatmeal from your crotch. No harm, no foul.