When someone says, “I’m stuck in a rut”, usually they want to get un-stuck. It means they’re bored or complacent or unsatisfied and feel the need to change things up a bit. A rut is not typically a desirable place to be.
I, however, am looking for a rut. Er. That didn’t sound right. What I mean is, I have been craving routine. It’s not that my life is complete chaos, it’s just felt rather higgledy piggledy for a while and I’m tired of it. There was the buying of the house and the renovating of the house and the moving into the house and the marriage and the continued renovating and the trip to Erie and the never-ending renovating. In two weeks we are going to Egypt and Jordan. And still renovating.
Does it sound like I’m complaining? I’m not. At least, I don’t think I am. I wanted and willingly chose to do all of those things and I am super jazzed about our upcoming travels, but I am also looking forward to having no major plans on the horizon, no upheavals in the near future.
Is a little smooth sailing too much to ask for? Maybe. Maybe there will always be something creating waves. But can I just have baby waves for a little while, pleeeease? Perhaps there are some who thrive on stress and drama, feeding off the chaos, and to those people I say, “good for you, now go away.”
Maybe it’s my age or where I am in my life that has me wanting a more simplified existence. A peaceful routine where I can clear my head for a minute, take a deep breath, and look around me. It feels like so much happened in such a short time that I need to stand still so that my head stops spinning.
My need could be genetic. My mother requires routine as well, and I am becoming increasingly aware of how similar I am to her the older I get. I’ve heard before that we all become our mothers. This could be truer than I thought.
So while I am beyond excited to be visiting the Cradle of Civilization in a couple of weeks, I am also beyond ready to stumble into a rut once we return. I’ll let you know how that goes.