OTHER women

So, earlier today I got this email forward from Kevin. You know, the funny ha-ha emails that we all send around to pass along the chuckles. I like getting these things, even the slightly offensive ones aren’t entirely humorless (although the one Donna sent the other day about pouring gasoline on people and setting them on fire kinda set my teeth on edge).

Aaaaaaaanyway, the “Women vs. Men” funnies are common enough and both genders typically get a laugh out of them. They play on stereotypes of course and we all understand that’s what they are – stereotypes that don’t necessarily apply to everyone. There are always exceptions, right? So, while some women may use these nine words and the meanings implied…there are OTHER women (namely, me) who use these nine words and mean completely different things!


Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F*** YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.


Nine words OTHER women use…

1.) Fine: This is the word OTHER women use to describe a really hot guy, as in “Orlando Bloom is one fine male specimen”

2.) Five Minutes: For OTHER women this means 300 seconds regardless of its context.

3.) Nothing: When OTHER women say “nothing”, it means no thing in particular. For instance if asked, “What are you thinking?” or “What’s wrong?”, an answer of “nothing” actually means “nothing” and usually means you are over-analyzing.

4.) Go Ahead: This means “Do it. I’m not you’re mother.” This also means that OTHER women will be “going ahead” and doing things as well.

5.) Loud Sigh: Generally a large sigh coming from an OTHER woman simply means she’s feeling overwhelmed or tired with life in general (a good way to handle this would be to give her a big hug) Or it could be she just needs some extra oxygen.

6.) That’s Okay: When OTHER women say “that’s okay”, what we mean is, “that’s okay”. No big deal.

7.) Thanks: OTHER women are typically appreciative and will express this appreciation with words like, “thanks”, “thank you”, “how thoughtful”…or we’ll just give you a 100-watt smile.

8.) Whatever: Is the OTHER woman’s way of saying “no worries…whatever works for you. I’m not your mother”. Note: If we are going to say “FUCK you”…we’ll just say it.

9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: OTHER women are very capable, if we got it, we got it. If it’s something you need to do, then we won’t do it. Again, OTHER women are not your mamas.