Neurotic, Party of One...

Daniel has been married before.

This annoys me. Why does this annoy me, you ask? Because I’m a neurotic crazy person. Duh.

Honestly, I’m not even entirely sure why it annoys me. I have dated guys before who had been married in previous lives and it never bothered me. In fact, I really couldn’t have cared less. Let’s be realistic, by the time a person gets to 32, the odds of stumbling across someone with whom you’re compatible, and either, A.) isn’t married or B.) hasn’t ever been married, are rather slim.

And it’s not like Daniel’s previous role as a husband is a fact he’s tried to hide from me. It doesn’t make me sad or jealous or angry…just…annoyed. Irrationally so? Yes of course, but that’s not the issue.

The issue, ladies and gentlemen, is that my boyfriend had a big ole traditional churchy wedding with groomsmen and flower arrangements and tuxedos and the walking down the aisle bit…and all the hoopla associated with weddings, without me. And dammit, it’s annoying.

But here’s the really stupid thing: I’m not even envious of the actual wedding. Nope. In fact I hate weddings. Don’t ever want one. Never have. Also, never been a big fan of marriage in general. Single women usually have much more interesting lives than married women, don't they? Heh. So, seriously, what’s the deal? Why does this annoy me?

Unless a person is like 16 years old, there’s bound to be some relationship history attached to a person. It’s inevitable, right? Hell, I have my own history. Granted, it doesn’t include something as monumentally important as marriage, but still. Hmm…maybe that’s my beef – the enormous weight of it. A wedding and the marriage that goes with it is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. A major, life-altering experience and he went ahead and made a decision like that without consulting me first.

So what if he didn’t even know me back then!
So what if I lived 3 states away!
So what if I wasn’t even driving yet!

He’s had that experience. Been there. Done that. And I haven’t.

And, yes, there are things that I've done that he hasn't, but nothing so incredibly important...nothing so weighty...nothing so once-in-a-lifetime.

Maybe I should go to Vegas for a weekend and get married and divorced with some sad sap just so I can say, “Ha! See? I’ve been there and done that too. So there!” Meh. Maybe not.


boty said...

you just called Daniel your boyfriend...LMAO...I will make fun f you for years now.

I have bean skin stuck in my teeth

cathryn said...


Anonymous said...

you're wierd

Delirious said...

From your previous posts I thought Daniel was simply a flatmate :)

Don't focus on the church bells or the wedding band. Marriage is nothing but a contract. It's like you having a boyfriend but with the ability to step out whenever you feel like it.

You're the lucky 'free' one, he was the one 'tied up'.

(Trying my best here... never been married either ;)

Gibbarella said...

You are crazy...Matt has been married and gave his ex-wife a more expensive ring but they went to the j.p. and got hitched in a trailer in South Carolina. I guess if his first wedding were bigger and better than our's I would have felt like I did about the ring. But you know what he said about the ring he got me? He had it designed and no one else in the world has one like it nor will they ever...we will ignore the fact that I am allergic to it and it makes me break out. But you have to think about all the things that Dan does for you that are so much more important than him looking like a stooge in a tux...like throwing you a fabulous birthday party and making you a cake and treating you like a princess.

boty said...

ROLLS EYES* yep, a man trying to marry you before he's even legally divorced certainly screams of princess treatment...

Cafra you should obviously listen to the above poster because she knows first hand how to pick em...and the comparison between Daniel and 'matt' well they just seem to be two peas...COME ON! btw that is sarcasm, Daniel would have to deal with your over-protective little sister if he were such a schmuck!

Jennifer said...

Bethany, you crack me up!!

boty said...

and for that matter...why the hell do you know how much your or in particular his ex wifes ring cost?!