Manifestations of Torn

...but not in a crappy-ass, overly dramatic, eye-rolling, Natalie Imbruglia kind of way.

So, Friday night after an evening spent learning about Hinduism and eating chocolate zucchini cake, Daniel and I caught the 10 o’clock showing of Persepolis, and it was everything I had imagined it would be. The highly stylized animation was both stark and expressive, and the story revolving around the torn loyalties and emotions of Marjane Satrapi, an Iranian girl coming of age during the Iran-Iraq War and Iran’s theocratic revolution, was both comical and heartbreaking. (Sadly, Ratatouille beat it out at the Oscars for Best Animated Feature Film)

After a Saturday brunch of the most excellent raspberry/chocolate chip pancakes garnished with homemade raspberry sauce and homemade whipped cream (oh. my. god.), I spent the rest of the day partially packing, partially moving, partially unpacking and partially agonizing over which books to part with in my ever-expanding and recently overwhelming collection. A word of advice: if you feel the need to collect something, let it be stamps or coins or postcards or anything else readily mobile. Do not collect heavy-ass books!

Saturday night Michelle and I hauled our butts out to the dark, scary countryside known as Nolensville to partake of Josh and Kim’s bonfire and the obligatory bonfire accoutrements (namely, s’mores). I love, love, LOVE bonfires/campfires (even without s’mores…but it’s always better with).

There was the perfect weather. There was the UT/Memphis basketball game being projected on the side of the house. There was plentiful food and alcohol. There were fun people and even funnier dogs. But the best part of the night was when UT won the basketball game and Josh brought out his carefully preserved, dry-as-a-bone Christmas tree and launched it onto the bonfire. Holy Shit! That sucker lit up the sky – I think the beacon of fire was probably visible from Nashville. I tried to take a picture of it but my phone camera and photography skills SUH-UCK and thus I was not able to accurately capture the pillar of flame! I swear, it was very nearly a religious experience. Heh.

Sunday was also spent partially packing, partially moving, and partially unpacking. Oh. Have I mentioned I’m moving in a week? I always sorta forget to impart important information like that. Fear not, I’ll be sure to send out my updated location information to y’all. So, as I’m packing and mentally preparing myself for suddenly living with a roommate after 10 years(and really how could anyone ever fill Sara’s shoes!?)…a male roommate…a male roommate who I am dating, my phone rings. And there on my screen is the familiar name of the boy who moved across the globe 5 months ago and took part of my heart with him.

He’s back for his citizenship interview and will be in Nashville for 5 days until he heads to Denver and then back across the globe. I knew he was coming back into town. He told me he was coming back into town. But when I saw his name on my screen and heard his voice, it felt like someone had knocked the wind outta me. And I felt torn. Feel torn.

...but not in an embarrassingly melodramatic, nauseatingly self-indulgent Natalie Imbruglia kind of way.


boty said...

Isn't that some craptastic bullshit!! Boys are dumb. Want me to stun gun him? Or bite a big chunk of flesh out of his arm? I still have some metal lunch boxes that need dents...you just say the word Cafra and like a ninja I'll take care of your woes.

Seriously though, it's always hard to get over someone that you're still friends with and pops in and out of your life. It's such a crock of poo that you're expected to be charming and smile when your insides are twisted and mutilated like dried up little raisins that have been smashed with a red hot sledge hammer.

I'm still a firm believer that the best way to portray your anguish is by inflicting mass amounts of physical pain...please think about the red hot sledge hammer. I think the smell of sizzled flesh and sight of splattered organs would do you some good.

Yes, yes I know you're torn, but this way you can still be torn and he can be smashed into a burnt jelly.

Just hope Mum doesn't call his parents ;-)

cathryn said...

Whoa! You know violence makes me queasy...I'll pass on the sledge hammer, thanks. And honestly, I don't think anything at all is being expected of me, it's totally my issue. Besides, seeing someone I care about smashed into burnt jelly most likely would not help matters.

BTW, remind me to send you the phone number for anger management classes :)

boty said...

of course, of course...try to be funny and I get help line numbers....

Gibbarella said...

:( see why I make that face and that hum sound everytime you say you are moving in with D ending in L.

boty said...

Oh yeah...just in case Daniel is reading this...I think you now have an idea of what I am capable of...so you may want to rethink your thoughts about my being a secret agent ;-)

I'm kidding...but no, seriously...

MUM said...

You are not the one who should feel torn. the jerk who wanted a relationship here, then decided he had to leave and wanted a long distance relationship, and then decided maybe a long distance relationship wasn't such a good idea, and now decides to return for 5 days and expects what? He's the one who should feel torn or better yet he's the one who should feel like an ASS. Sounds like a rather sadistic game to me. if he's decided not to live here why the hell does he need a citizenship anyway? It's possible to be friends with someone who used to hold a more important place in your heart, but only after a good deal of time and a lot of slam dunking his character, personality, looks, attitude, personal habits, etc. this is where true friends come in handy. He made his choice and should not expect "anyone" to welcome him back with open arms every few months for a few days. if you have the time and inclination to talk to him just to "catch up" you should. but you should definately not rearrange your time or reset your priorities to accomadate his schedule. I wasn't going to respond to this blog but the more i thought about it the madder i got. maybe i should call his mother !

Daniel said...

Bethany, I do read this and have been for some time. Not only do I believe you are capable of such actions, I think you might even enjoy them. I like that about you.

I do, however, wonder about someone who is publically critical of what is clearly a stressful choice for someone they call a friend. What exactly what she thinking that made that seem like a good idea? Maybe she should be supportive of her friend and her choice even if she believes there may come a day when she will have to help pick up the pieces. Maybe that is what makes someone the kind of friend that people will walk through fire for.

About the boy, I can say with reasonable certainty that his choice could not have been easy. Cathryn is a remarkable woman and I cannot imagine what must have been pulling at him. Having said that, I am glad things worked out the way they did except for the pain it caused her.

I understand being torn about seeing someone you love who decided to leave you. I do not believe for a moment that he wanted to hurt her either when he felt like he had to go or by seeing her again. I have heard her talk about him and he seems like a decent boy. Plus, I have faith in her decision making ability. I doubt she would give herself to a jerk. And this would be why I do not post....I ramble

boty said...

Yep...you ramble....kind of like my Mum...and you try to make points other than laughter. AND what I enjoy in my spare time is not of importance! What is important is that you tell me I would make a great secret agent!

Alison said...

Daniel - you wouldn't by chance have a brother, would you? A brother in Seattle, perhaps?? :) Good luck with the move.