Trees

Have any of you ever consulted an arborist?

A couple of days ago, Daniel and I had an appointment with an arborist to assess the many trees on our property.

Neither one of us has ever owned trees before or had to take care of them. Since first looking at the place, we’ve noticed that some of the trees look like they desperately need help. We have some covered in vines. Some have ants and tiny holes all over them. Some are covered with lichen. And some look like they belong in a Tim Burton film. Having little to no tree experience, and suddenly having many, many trees to look after, we weren't sure on a course of action. Do some need to be removed completely? Just trimmed? Rehabilitated? And if so, how?

So, we asked an arborist to come out and diagnose our tree situation.

We have 7 Dogwoods. 2 are diseased and need to be removed immediately if not sooner to ensure the disease doesn’t spread to any other trees.



Our Red Bud tree in the front yard looks tortured and is in pretty sorry shape. We’re going to put that one down as well.



Apparently the pine trees with the vines clinging to them are fine. The vines are not strangling, choking or harming the trees, they’re just ugly. So that’s good news.

One of our 80 year old Sugar Maples is covered with ants. But that’s not the problem. The problem is the tiny holes all over the trunk caused by borers. Borers are serious. They kill trees. Our arborist recommends spraying the trunk with some kind of chemical which is harmful to the borers but safe for the tree. And even then, the tree may not make it. Dreadful. It would be a crying shame to have to take this tree down.



We have another old Sugar Maple, ant and borer free, very healthy, but it’s being crowded out by an Ash. Our arborist put it to us plain and simple. An 80 year old Sugar Maple is a highly desirable tree to have. An Ash tree…eh…not so much. So to ensure the continuing vibrant health of the highly desirable Sugar Maple, he suggested we remove the Ash. Poor Ash.



Our Holly tree just needs some deadwood removed, as does the pine at the end of our driveway.



And that’s about as far as we got. We peered down towards the creek, but then turned around and walked back to the house. I couldn't take anymore diagnoses.

A Successful Erection!

Ladies and Gentleman...we are erect! Our tree, that is. Our Christmas tree. Remember? It was all propped up in the corner and stuff after crashing to the floor a couple of times? 'Member dat?

Yeah, well it is now standing tall and proud in our brand new heavy duty, enormously ugly, Wal-Mart special, plastic tree stand. Tah-Dah! When we went to Wal-Mart to procure said tree stand, they had three left. Three. Naturally, we picked the one that was missing one bolt. Yep. We have an uncanny ability for doing stuff like that - truly, it's amazing.

I was so excited to finally be able to decorate our tree! But when we got home and started to put the thing together, we realized there was supposed to be FOUR bolty things to hold the tree in place and we had a mere THREE bolty things. Christ Almighty! It was more than I could take and I sullenly declared "fuck the fucking christmas tree...it can stay in the fucking corner leaning against a fucking wall for the next fucking three weeks for all I care".

Daniel, who is much more patient than I, drove back to Wal-Mart to exchange our inadequate tree stand for one of the other two stands which had all four bolty things.

And now we have a tree that stands on it's own. Yes, it may be a tiny bit crooked. Yes, the tree topper is still somewhat problematic. Yes, it is decorated with one strand of white lights, one strand of green lights and two strands of multi colored lights. Yes, it is also decorated with fake gold plastic strings of beads and ornaments with faded glitter. But, by gawd, it is STANDING. And the tree skirt hides the Big Ugly tree stand. And the cats are enjoying pulling the tree skirt to the side so they can stuff their faces in the tree stand and drink the nasty tree water. And it is good.

AND, I also put up my Christmas Village...which, granted, is not much of a village (yet), but it makes me immensely happy to gaze upon the miniature buildings all lit up on their bed of fake snow.





A close-up of the Christmas Village. C'mon, admit it, it makes you happy too!

Yay for Christmas!